Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
