I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
