how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
