So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
