He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
