his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
