she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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