as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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