giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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