So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
