I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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