just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
foreskin is a definite game changer
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
we should paint friendship bongs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
