Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
