I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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