Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
