drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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