I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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