Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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