So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I looked at my own cervix.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
