when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I cut my penus on the lid.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
