woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
