Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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