maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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