my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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