OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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