Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
