i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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