I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
