bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
