i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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