there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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