When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
