plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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