i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
