That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
my liver is dry heaving
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
