I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
