I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize