it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she smelled like a LAN party
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
