So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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