my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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