You're so nebulous sometimes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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