My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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