Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
