I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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