Swine flu. Run for my life!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
