Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
