Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
