xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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