final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
