I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
