Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
