...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
