I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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